A Comprehensive Account of the Crap My Toddler Watches on Youtube

It's no secret that Youtube is where it's at these days. From Zoella to StampyLongHead (?!?!) and a plethora of lovely mummy Vloggers, loads people are making actual careers from the video-sharing website and several million more are watching them.

Back in my yoof, I relied on Youtube for all sorts of valuable life skills such as teaching myself Soulja Boi's Crank Dat routine and nearly blinding myself by trying to watch beauty tutorials and perfect that elusive cat's eye flick at the same time (OK, that might have happened last week).

These days, however, my toddler is the main Youtuber in our house and (**DISCLAIMER ALERT**) while I do monitor screen time, I still seem to hear the chiming of 'daddy finger daddy finger, where are you?' in my dreams most nights. These are some of the most soul destroying things that he likes to watch on Youtube. Which ones are you all too familiar with?

The opening of eggs
If you're a parent then you'll know. You'll just know. And if you don't know then you truly are blessed. Because whenever I try and explain to my childless friends about the Youtube phenomenon of kids watching the perfectly manicured hands of an American lady with a slightly robotic voice opening chocolate/plastic eggs to reveal a toy inside OVER AND OVER AGAIN, they look at me blankly as if to say...'really, this is what parenting is about?' Nobody gets it. I don't get it. But Jack is obsessed with it. Why?!

Johny
ChuChu TV is one of Jack's favourite channels. With its garish animations of children/animals singing well known songs and nursery rhymes in an otherworldy accent, it seemed innocent enough at first. But then one day he discovered Johny and his dead-eyed sisters. Jack adores singing along with the little sugar fiend and his freakish family. Personally I find them all terrifying. What do you think?


Spanish Peppa Pig
Turns out there is something more annoying that the original Peppa Pig blaring out of an iPad at 5am. Pass me a bacon butty, Manuel. 

Play Doh Reviews
I don't think many toddlers watch these videos and think 'Oh wow, that shade of magenta Play Doh will really compliment my existing set.' But the Play Doh experts (life goal right there) who demonstrate the toys on these videos really get into it and make some pretty awesome creations. So out of all the crap Jack watches on Youtube, this is the one that makes me want to claw out my own eyeballs least. 

Duke Pup
OK, so Duke Pup is technically an app rather than a Youtube star but I can't not mention him. The mischievous, animated dog repeats everything you say thus causing no end of arguments in our house. This is because Jack argues with Duke Pup. Which technically means he is arguing with himself. I've lost count of the times I've had to endure debates of 'you trumped first / you trumped first' or 'no she's MY mummy / no she's MY mummy' that can last several minutes. Pass me the gin.



Other children playing with toys
Have you met Ryan? No, neither have we but you'd think he was a close personal friend the way Jack bangs on about him. This three year old has over 670,000 subscriptions on Youtube just for reviewing toys! But how am I supposed to break it to Jack that the chances of Ryan 'coming to our house to share his toys' are slim to none?

What Youtube sensations do your little ones irritate you with regularly?



2 comments:

  1. Oh my word, I thought it was just my kid that watches some amount of crap on YouTube! From "DisneyCollecter" to the opening of kinder eggs (WTF? Who films themselves doing this) to family vloggers like Daily Bumps, Doh Much Fun and Charlie's Crafty Kitchen.

    And those nursery rhymes where Indian people sing in English? *shudder*. Johnny Johnny haunts me in my dreams...

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  2. As im reading this Josh is sat watching Ryans toy review he has so much to answer for that kid, Josh thinks its normal to have new toys every single day!!!

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