9 Giveaway Signs That I Have Become a Grown-Up

I turn 30 next year. 30 isn't 'old' by anyone's standards. There are loads of hip 30 year olds (I did a quick Google search of 'cool celebs who are 30' to illustrate this point and found that Katy Perry, Keira Knightley, Kelly Osbourne and Avril Lavigne are all 30 so that totally proves I'm right) but it's still a bit of a milestone age. I've changed a lot throughout my twenties, starting out as a foul mouthed, cider swilling student with a head full of ambitions and I'll end them as a foul mouthed, coffee sipping mama with a heart full of love (sounds wanky but totes true). In case the looming milestone of 30 and the napping toddler to my left isn't enough of a reminder that I'm a grown up now, here are some other giveaway signs.

I don't know about current music
I used to be able to rap along to Lisa Maffia's verse of 21 Seconds by So Solid Crew like an absolute pro. In fact I could probably still spit dem lyrics now because they're pretty much ingrained on my brain after the hours I spent listening to the godawful racket as a teen. But it would sound ridiculous and wrong, like the time I caught my mum singing along to Yeah by Usher and was mortally offended. 'That song is NOT for you,' I told her in utter disgust. Now I'm not really down with what's current and cool in the music world. I like Sam Smith but Ariana Grande? Sounds like something I'd order in Costa.

I am domesticated(ish)
On sunny days I wake up and my first thought is 'oooh, it's a good drying day' followed closely by 'what have you become?!' I also cook. Last week I made soup FROM SCRATCH. It had a few accidentally unblended chunks of celery and carrot in it but if anyone questioned it I told them that it was 'rustic'. Because I'm a grown up so I can use words like rustic. I bake too albeit with a lot of help from Betty Crocker. But as someone who survived three years at university on a diet of cheese slice toasties, I feel this is a vast development.


I'd rather stay in
There was a time when spending my Saturday nights in dark, sweaty clubs heaving with drunken strangers and shit music used to seem appealing. Not anymore. Who needs overpriced drinks, inevitable drama, chavs grinding against your leg all night then telling you to 'cheer the fuck up' when you politely ask them to go away, dodgy kebabs, extortionate taxi fares and raging hangovers when you can just curl up at home in front of the fire with a takeaway and a bottle of wine....is number one on the list of things I never would have said in my early twenties.

I hang out with my parents
Don't get me wrong, I love my mum dearly. But in my late teens/early twenties the prospect of hanging out with her and my stepdad was...well, a bit urgh. That's what my friends were for. I was always invited on family days out and holidays but I never went, much preferring to have the house to myself for a week so I could invite my friends over and get drunk on caps full of Bells whiskey from the booze cabinet. But these days we socialise with my parents a lot. We go for meals or to the pub and sometimes even my grandparents come along too. I genuinely enjoy their company. Maybe because I have more in common with them now.


I love IKEA
Everyone loves IKEA. But in my early twenties I'd only emerge with a belly full of horse meatballs and occasionally a fake plant for my bedroom. Now I'm all over the Pax wardrobes, fancy shelving units, cushion covers and cheap crockery. AND there's always a 60p hot-dog waiting for me at the end! Best. Day. Ever.

I live vicariously through TV
With the gradual shift away from going out in the evening and socialising with actual humans, I find myself developing an unhealthy interest with the ones on the telly. 'What's that Ian Beale up to now?' I'll say as if I actually know him. Or 'That bloody Roxy Mitchell, always nicking her sister's husbands, she's got no shame' as if she's a real person. I've started watching all the grown up shows like Masterchef and Question Time and when I really get into a particular series, I become worryingly attached. It's a good job my evening schedule is so bleak because missing the finale of Banished...well, that just wouldn't do at all.


I drink wine for pleasure rather than to get shitfaced
I used to think that Lambrini was wine. I would glug it and all of it's cheaper, nastier counterparts with gusto (even Lambrella which you could only find in the really questionable corner shops and often had bits floating in it) because my sole intention was to get as drunk as possible for as little money as possible. Now I actually like the taste of proper wine. I don't mind spending a bit more on it because I understand how it compliments meals and I savour it rather than neck it. I still have zero connoissuerial coffee tasting skills though.

I hate clothes shopping but love grocery shopping
In an unexpected reversal, shopping in Topshop has become a chore while a Tesco big shop is actually quite good fun. Anyone who has children (especially feral toddlers) will know that clothes shopping with them in tow isn't just pointless but utterly soul destroying. Trying to shoehorn yourself into a pair of skinny jeans in a tiny changing room while child wails with impatience and whips back the curtain to expose your bare arse to a bunch of smirking teenagers is never fun. Nor is getting the evil eye from an immaculately dressed shop assistant as he makes a mad dash towards the white bodycons with his sticky fingers and runny nose. By contrast, Tesco is big and bright and airy. It sells cake and wine and bribery material such as Kinder Eggs and toy cars. Trolleys are excellent for confinement and Jack usually gets so relaxed in them that he falls asleep leaving me free to peruse for all the best deals at my leisure.


I'm a mum
Regardless of your age, nothing screams 'TIME TO GROW UP' like parenthood. Must be something to do with the all encompassing responsibility of having another human relying on you to keep them alive and all that. Suddenly you're life is no longer your own. You don't come first anymore. But that's OK because it's the start of an adult life which might involve making sacrifices, changing your lifestyle and swapping late nights for early mornings but I wouldn't have it any other way.


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